Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Random Memories

This post's soul purpose is to provide a place for me to jot down random memories that come to mind...

One evening, sometime after Zoe's first birthday, we are at home alone.  I was playing on the floor in the living room with her just wrestling around like we sometimes do.  Zoe likes to be picked up and flipped around.  At one point, she happened to be laying on my stomach with her head near my belly button.  Next thing I know, she pulled up my shirt and blew a giant raspberry on my belly!  I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.  We spent the next few minutes laughing and blowing raspberries on each other bellies.  I genuinely think that it was the most fun I have ever had!  Sadly, she hasn't done anything like it since that day.  But what fun we had!




Zoe's first steps were taken in her playpen on the front porch of our rent house in Wharton.  I happened to catch them out of the corner of my eye and asked Jeff, "Did she just walk across the playpen." He agreed that's what he thought he saw, too.  A few days later, she took two steps in the kitchen of the same house.  I was very excited to have my daughter learn to walk, but once she started walking, she no longer wanted to just hang out in the playpen! This picture was taken that same day. We didn't catch these first steps on film!

Guilt of a Mother


For the first 6 months or so of my daughter's life I was dedicated to journaling her every move.  What she ate, how much she grew, what she did - every milestone was recorded.  Then came the ear infections.  

Sleepless nights, doctor's visits and killer antibiotics.  We were all miserable.  Finally our pediatrician recommended PE tubes and 3 weeks later we handed our baby girl over to a nurse who vowed "to take good care of her." Two weeks after that, life could not have been any more different.  We finally got to experience sleeping through the night on a regular basis again and my husband and I were able to claim our bedroom back!

That's not to say there were no happy times during the ear infection phase.  Zoe learned to crawl, pull up, cruise and walk all before her tubes were put in.  But none of those milestones (the big ones!) were recorded in such a way as the ones before.  And I cannot tell you how this weighed on me.  So badly that I couldn't pick up the pen again.  I would tell myself "It's been too long."  She won't understand all the time that has gone by.  I'll just hide that first journal away and she'll never know!  

Today, I read a blog on a parenting website and thought what a great way to pick up the habit again.  So, from today forth, I am putting away my guilt and starting over.  Going backwards is harder than recording in the moment.  Details are lost - but the big picture remains.  I think that is all that is needed to let my little girl know that she is loved.  That the events in her life are monumentally important to both myself and her Daddy.  To let her know that she is our world!